life coach rona 16 05 22 sign

 

I used to be a bully. I would beat myself up at the slightest provocation: a missed to-do, an overstuffed email inbox, wasting time, not working out, eating too much sugar…

Five years ago I set the intention to treat myself with as much love, kindness, and respect as I give to my daughter. Over time, my internal bully has mostly disappeared––but reappears when I am feeling stressed or overwhelmed. The bully uses this time when my resources are down to make her presence known: “You should have done this...you didn’t do that…”

While driving my daughter to school last week, my bully made an appearance and was doing a number on me: pushing, prodding, taunting with that incessant whiny voice. But I caught her, sprinkled some “magic dust” on her and she disappeared as quickly as she emerged.

The magic dust is present-moment awareness.

It is impossible to condemn, complain, criticize or otherwise feel crappy, when you awaken to the present moment. As soon as I noticed I was projecting (all the things I have to do) and ruminating (all the things I didn’t do) I knew my bully had hijacked the moment. As soon as I came back to the present moment I was struck by how perfect THIS moment was: I’m driving in my comfortable car, on crisp Spring morning, with my happy/healthy daughter in the seat next to me. What more could I want? What more do I need?

THIS moment is our gateway to happiness and it’s always right here for us––to scare off our bullies and awaken us to our whole selves and our already perfect lives.

Sending you some magic dust today and always...

 

life coach rona 16 05 15 diamond

 

We have a beautiful crystal chandelier in the foyer of our home. Much to my husband’s dismay, I had not cleaned that thing in years. Part of me thought, “who cares” nobody is focused on it. In a passing glance, you can’t notice it is dusty. It looks fine. It is good enough.

To honor my husband's wishes, two Saturdays ago, I took down every piece of crystal, cleaned each one individually, then put them all back. I cannot describe the magnificence of that chandelier. Revealing its beauty and brilliance made it come alive. Each time I walk past it, I admire its radiance and it brings me happiness.

That chandelier reminds me of each one of us. I believe we all have an inner beauty–our unique greatness, hidden purpose, our dream or our genius. It is the ideal version of who we want to be and what we want our lives to stand for. When we glimpse it in ourselves we feel happy and fully alive.

But our lives are busy with our obligations, endless to-dos and the incessant distraction and lure of texts, email, social media and the internet. Over the years our brilliance and our dreams, like the chandelier, get covered with a veil of dust and we think “it’s fine” our lives are “good enough.” But this is far from living brilliantly.

What I am observing along my own path of trying to rediscover my brilliance and unique purpose is: Just as those chandelier “dips” don’t really get the job done, neither does the weekend seminar, the new workout plan, the book or any sweeping change I had committed to making in my life. Instead, it takes some slowing down, and carefully tending to each facet of my life through small improvements across time, while committing some effort to unearthing my dreams. –We can each do this for ourselves.

Howard Thurman says “...Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”

Here is wishing for all of us that we dust ourselves off, show up in the world radiantly, and live our lives feeling fully alive!

 

life coach rona 16 05 08 dancers

When my daughter was younger, I used every little trial in her life as a teaching moment telling her what she should do, could do, or should have done differently. I was constantly imposing my thoughts, wishes, and expectations...based on my view of the world. Looking back, essentially I wanted a “mini me”—less all of my mistakes and imperfections.

One morning during a teaching moment, my daughter waited patiently until I was done talking then said: “Can’t you for once just take my side?” Her words cut through me at my core. “Yes,” I said “I can. I am sorry.”

That moment changed everything for me. Going forward, I vowed to experience her for who she is instead of some idealized version of who I thought she should be.

My daughter was only seven at the time and what occurred to me in that instant was I am not her teacher—she is mine. She knew what she needed more than I did and she was telling me so. She didn’t need my advice, my thoughts, or my beliefs to be put upon her. She needed me to see her for who she was, to allow her to have her own experience, and to validate that who she was is good enough. (Indeed, I have come to understand she is perfect as is—we ALL are.)

Seven years later, I still see every trial (and ordinary day) in my daughter’s life as a teaching moment. I strive to remain present and open so that I am ready for my lesson as she teaches me who she is, what she values, and what she needs...based on her view of the world.

No matter the age of our kids, every moment gives us an opportunity to know them more deeply, to see them and to enjoy them for who they are. This is the true gift and privilege (and fun!) of being a mom.

For all of us moms who strive to “get it right” may I say: We, too, are good enough—indeed, we are perfect as is!”

Happy Mother's Day!